Here Sweetie, Have a Gun for Your Fifth Birthday

A few years ago, I was speaking to group of about twenty Australians. We were deep in the heart of a state forest, surrounded by pine trees and listening to the sounds of the breeze rustling through the pine needles and the ever-present birds. I had just concluded a Dharma talk and people were raising questions and discussing what had been said in the talk. It was a safe environment, one in which everyone felt comfortable with one another as most were friends and the strangers had soon felt at ease.

One newcomer raised a question about parents and after my response he replied that he had been abused as a child. After he spoke, another person said she too had been abused. As each person spoke, it was gradually revealed that with the exception of two people, myself and a gentleman from the UK, every person had experienced some form of abuse, neglect, or abandonment as a child.

The gentleman spoke fondly of his mother and of the wonderful meals she had cooked for her children. I remembered forays into the woods like the one we were in with my father who taught me to identify various leaves and who had posted his property with “No hunting” signs. But apparently we were very much in the minority, the two people who had good childhoods. Eighteen others had experienced very different childhoods.

Amazing.

And terribly frightening. And sad.

Since that day, I have had several discussions with this gentleman about the high level of family abuse here. Was it because of the isolation of few people in a large country and the absence of a good support system? Was it related to alcohol and drug abuse? A failure of public education? Is it something built into the culture since the arrival of Europeans and even before as suggested by Carolyn Worth from the Victorian Centres Against Sexual Assault (CASA) Forum in an ABC interview?

On March 11th on the Herald Sun website is an article “More Victorian families taking children hunting.” There is a poll on the page with the question: Should children be encouraged to shoot animals? It’s a simple poll with only two choices: “Yes, it is character building” and “No, it's too brutal.” I checked the latter, clicked submit, and saw the current results.

And was horrified.

Out of a total of total of 15280 votes, 89% (13648 votes) said “Yes.” Only 10% (1632 votes) said “No.”

Almost ninety percent of responders thought it okay to encourage children to shoot animals, that it built character. As the person who emailed me about the poll said, this was probably not an accurate representation of Australians as a whole, but due somewhat to the newspaper’s demographics.

But whether the number is 90% or 50% or whatever, children as young as three years old were going out with their fathers and watching as animals were killed. One person interviewed for the article said “You do get a lot of kids out with their dads as it is a traditional family activity.”

A traditional family activity. That "builds character."

(Picture from the Herald Sun)

Comfort Levels in Cultivation

Quandry: I am very new to meditating and chanting, and have had no formal instruction in either. I've been raised in a protestant tradition, which leaves aside use of items such as malas/rosaries or statues/icons of any kind, as these are seen as temptations toward 'idol worship.' I may be overstating the matter, but because of being raised in this tradition I feel hesitant to introduce the use of a mala into my meditative practice or to bring a statue of the Buddha into my home. I am torn, because I feel a yearning to do these things despite my learned hesitation.

Response: The reader who wrote the above didn't ask a question but rather was posing a not uncommon quandry regarding malas/nianju and images of the Buddhas and bodhisattvas.

It's difficult when one is raised in a belief system that leads to discomfort with some of the practices in another belief systems that one feels drawn to. Perhaps viewing Buddhism as a teaching for ending suffering and for awakening to universal truths, and not as another religion would help a bit.

Buddhists use nianju or malas as a means to focus while chanting or simply to keep track of the number of recitations: sort of an early calculator. Many people like to set a goal for chanting, for example, 100,000 chants of "Amituofo." The longer nianju has 108 beads. Chinese nianju also have ten small counter beads. So in the past, people would use both the main beads and the counter beads to keep track of how many recitations they did.

I have to say that while I tend to be over the top in counting things, I don't use my nianju for this. My main use is when I am in a meeting or with someone who is asking me about something or simply with a group of people all speaking Chinese. ;-) I find using my beads helps me to concentrate while chanting. Having a habit of doing this, my body remembers "I'm moving the beads and chanting, so I should be calming down." So using the beads helps me return to the calmer state of my chanting. For me it's a memory aid.

Apparently, this also worked for my mother. Mom grew up at a time when if you left the house to go out, you needed to put on make-up and a bit of jewelry. One time she was at a very stressful christening. She had a collection of nianju and had slipped one on each arm that morning. She later told me that as the tension during the preparations had increased, she had taken off a nianju and began chanting. As the tension continued to increase, she took off the other one and was chanting with a nianju in each hand! She was used to seeing me chant by this time and being a very practical woman, did the obvious: if one nianju was calming, two had to be even more helpful.

So whether for counting or finding a sense of calm or chanting "peace" or a Buddha's name, ninaju are simply cultivation aids.

The Buddha and bodhisattva images are teaching aids. When I look at the serene image of a Buddha, I remember that if I want that same sense of tranquility and great ease with the world, I need to awaken. I'm not trying to become a deity, I'm simply trying to reach the perfect nature that is already within me. The two Pure Land bodhisattvas remind me that I need to be compassionate and temper it with wisdom. So I need to develop both as they are complementary.

That said, if someone prefers not to have a Buddha or bodhisattva image or is uncomfortable with one, a clear glass of clear water to remind us that we need to have a pure, calm mind will do very well as the sole object during meditation. Or a flower or incense or a candle can be used. Or simple sit in meditation without any cultivation aids.

Start with what feels comfortable. As the comfort level increases, something else can be added if so desired.

Wisdom from the Master

• Reciting the sutra and chanting the Buddha's name daily is not enough. We need to change our incorrect viewpoints and erroneous ways. We need to interact with everything and everyone in a proper manner. Otherwise, recitation of the Buddha's name to the point of losing our voice will not accomplish anything. Neither does bruising our head from prostrating to the Buddha remove our bad karma!

• If we can accept all sentient beings as future Buddhas then we will see Buddhas all around us, all the time.

• When our six senses of sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and thought encounter the environment, thoughts of like and dislike arise. This brings about reincarnation and is an obstacle for us on our path towards the Pure Land.

• Living in the world as we do, we need to learn how to cultivate stillness even in the midst of noise.

• It is more important to have a cup of water where we practice than either flowers or incense. The water represents the stillness, the purity that is the mind of the Buddha.

• Our mind is like water. When calm, without motion, it is like a mirror clearly reflecting images. This is the state of true happiness. But when the water becomes agitated, the images become blurred and disappear. This is the loss of happiness.

• Our eye is very small, our optic nerves are minute. But we can see rivers, mountains, sky, sun with our small eye. It does not need to get larger to see them. Nor do they need to get smaller. The true reality of life and the universe is that there is no difference; no bigger, no smaller, no front, no behind, no former, no later.

• Duality is not equality. Oneness is equality. A wandering thought arising in one’s mind dis­turbs this oneness and renders everything une­qual.

• When we commit bad deeds, stop. When we see the bad deeds of others, remember not to commit them. When we practice good deeds, do more. And when we see the good deeds of others, remember to practice those as well.

• The Dharma expounded by the Buddha is neither elusive nor mystical. It is inherent in every aspect of our lives and is therefore visible and real. Why then are we unable to perceive this reality? Because we are obstructed by our own negative karma. Unable to see what is right before our eyes.

• If we fall into the hell realms, the Buddhas will follow us there. If we slander or kill them they will follow us with one thought—to help us. They will not lose one sentient being, no matter how long it takes.

• Confidence and belief are the origin of attaining achievement. If we lack confidence in our teacher we are wasting our time, even if they are a Buddha or Bodhisattva. But, if we are filled with confidence in a teacher who knows only a little but we learn from them, then we will generate infinite benefits.

~ Based on the teachings of Venerable Master Chin Kung

I Can't do Everything, But I Can do Something

Oseola McCarty's lined, brown hands, now gnarled with arthritis, bear mute testimony to a lifetime spent washing and ironing other people's clothes.

Less evident is how this quiet, 87-year-old black woman came to donate $150,000 to The University of Southern Mississippi.

"I want to help somebody's child go to college," Miss McCarty said. "I just want it to go to someone who will appreciate it and learn. I'm old and I'm not going to live always."

McCarty's gift establishes an endowed Oseola McCarty Scholarship, with "priority consideration given to those deserving African-American students enrolling at The University of Southern Mississippi who clearly demonstrate a financial need."

"This is just extraordinary," said Southern Miss President Aubrey Lucas. "I don't know that I have ever been as touched by a gift to the university as I am by this one. Miss McCarty has shown great unselfishness and sensitivity in making possible for others the education she never had."

Bill Pace, executive director of the Southern Miss Foundation, which will administer McCarty's gift, said, "This is by far the largest gift ever given to Southern Miss by an African American. We are overwhelmed and humbled by what she has done."

Miss McCarty's gift has astounded even those who believe they know her well. The customers who have brought their washing and ironing to her modest frame home for more than 75 years read like the social register of Hattiesburg. She has done laundry for three generations of some families. In the beginning, she said, she charged $1.50 to $2 a bundle, but, with inflation, the price rose.

"When I started making $10 a bundle -- I don't remember when ... sometime after the war -- I commenced to save money," she recalled. "I put it in savings. I never would take any of it out. I just put it in. It just accumulated."

Actually, she started saving much earlier. Miss McCarty, seated in her small, neat living room -- the linoleum floor gleaming, a spotless pink bedspread pinned carefully over the sofa -- related her story quietly and matter-of-factly.

Born in Wayne County, Miss., on March 7, 1908, she was raised by her mother, Lucy, who moved to Hattiesburg when Oseola was very young. Her mother, she recalls, worked hard to support her young daughter.

"She cooked for Mr. J.S. Garraway, who was Forrest County Circuit Clerk, and ... she would go to the schoolhouse and sell candy to make money. She would leave me alone. I was scared, but she didn't have no choice. I said then that when I could, I would save money so I could take care of my grandmother."

Young Oseola went to school at Eureka Elementary School. Even as a young child, she worked, though, and her savings habit started early.

"I would go to school and come home and iron. I'd put money away and save it. When I got enough, I went to First Mississippi National Bank and put it in. The teller told me it would be best to put it in a savings account. I didn't know. I just kept on saving."

When Oseola was in the sixth grade, her childless aunt had to go to the hospital, and, McCarty said, "I had to go and wait on her. When she came out of the hospital, she couldn't walk, and she needed me."

McCarty never returned to school. "All my classmates had gone off and left me," she said, "so I didn't go back. I just washed and ironed."

Over the years, she put money into several local banks. While banks merged and changed names and management, McCarty's savings grew.

Her grandmother died in 1944, her mother died in 1964, her aunt died in 1967, "and I've been havin' it by myself since then," she said. Her mother and her aunt each left her some money, which she added to her savings. In 1947 her uncle gave her the house in which she still lives.

Bank personnel, realizing that McCarty was accumulating sizeable savings, advised her to put her money into CD's, conservative mutual funds and other accounts where it would work for her.

Meanwhile, McCarty washed and ironed and lived frugally. She has never had a car and still walks everywhere she goes. She shows a visitor the shopping cart she pushes to Big Star, more than a mile away, to get groceries. For the visitor's benefit, she turns on the window air conditioner bank personnel only recently persuaded her to get.

Nancy Odom and Ellen Vinzant of Trustmark Bank have worked with McCarty for several years, not only helping her manage her money but helping look after her personally. It was they who helped her get the air conditioner. They also were concerned about what the future held for her.

"We both talked with her about her funds and what would happen to her if something happened," said Odom. "She knew she needed someone to take care of her."

McCarty, who never married, said, "After my aunt died, I began to think, I didn't have nobody. I began to think about what to do with what little I had. I wanted to leave some to some cousins and my church. But I had been thinking for a long time ... since I was in school ... I didn't know how to fix it, but I wanted to give it to the college (Southern Miss). They used to not let colored people go out there, but now they do, and I think they should have it."

Odom and Vinzant referred Miss McCarty to Paul Laughlin, Trustmark's assistant vice president and trust officer.

"In one of our earliest meetings, I talked about what we could do for her," Laughlin said. "We talked about providing for her if she's not able. Then we turned naturally to what happens to her estate after she dies.

"She said she wanted to leave the bulk of her money to Southern Miss, and she didn't want (anybody) to come in and change her mind. I called Jimmy Frank McKenzie, her attorney -- she's done laundry for him for years -- and he talked to her. He made sure it was her idea. Then I met with her to let her decide how to divide her money up."

McCarty said, "Mr. Paul laid out dimes on the table to explain how to divide it up."

Laughlin said, "I got 10 dimes (to represent percentages). I wrote on pieces of paper the parties she wanted to leave her money to and put them on the table. Then I asked how she wanted her money to be split up. She put one dime on her church and one each for several relatives. Then she said she wanted the rest -- six dimes -- to go to the college. She was quite definite about wanting to give 60 percent to Southern Miss. To my knowledge, she has never been out there, but she seems to have the best of the students in mind. The decision was entirely hers."

"I just want the scholarship to go to some child who needs it, to whoever is not able to help their children," Miss McCarty said. "I'm too old to get an education, but they can."

McCarty signed an irrevocable trust agreement stating her wishes for her estate and giving the bank the responsibility for managing her funds.

"Mr. Paul gives me a check, and I can go get money anytime I need it. My lawyer gave them permission to take care of me if something happens to me."

Laughlin said the bank normally keeps such transactions in strictest confidence, but because of the uniqueness of McCarty's story, he asked for her permission to make it public.

"Well, I guess that would be all right," she said with her typical calm acceptance.

"She seems wonderfully at peace with where she is and who she is," Laughlin said.

McCarty's arthritis in her hands forced her to retire from washing and ironing in December 1994, at the age of 86. Now she spends her days cleaning house, and she still walks everywhere she goes. But she said, "If I ever get able to, I want to go back to work."

She is taking others' excitement over her gift with the same quiet grace that she has taken all the bad and good that have come into her life.

"I can't do everything," she said, "but I can do something to help somebody. And what I can do I will do. I wish I could do more."

http://www.usm.edu/pr/oola1.htm

(To read more about Miss Oseola McCarty, please see http://www.usm.edu/pr/oolamain.htm)

Living Will

Whatever our wishes for our final arrangements, the more we plan and tell others what we wish, the easier it will be for our family members and the more likely what we wish will be carried out. The following is a sample living will for a Pure Land Buddhist, which stresses the importance of not touching the body of the deceased person for a minimum of eight hours. As humans, we are very attached to our bodies, believing they are "I." Thus it can take many hours for the consciousness to completely leave the body. During this time, if we disturb the body in any way, we can cause the person great pain.

Ideally, the deceased will be at home in the final days. Many hospitals are willing to work with families to arrange this. When my mother had a stroke and we were told that she would require feeding tubes, my sister and I both declined as my mother had prepared a living will many years before and we knew what she wanted. I then said I wished to take my mother home for her final days. The hospice I selected was able to very quickly make arrangements with the hospital after the hospital staff verified that there was a living will. 

If conditions are not ideal, the presence of a living will will help family members know what the person wished so the best possible arrangements can be made. And of course, preparing a living will and discussing it in advance with family members will help family members who have different beliefs clearly undersatdn the individual's wishes so they may honor them.

Living Will

To my family and all those concerned with my care: I, __________________________________, of ____________________________________________ being of sound mind, make this statement as a directive to be followed if for any reason I become unable to participate in decisions regarding my medical care.

Upon my death and transition into the next life, I do not wish to be reborn as a ghost path or an animal. I do not wish to suffer. Instead, I wish to follow Amitabha Buddha and to arrive at his Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. To all my family and friends, I wish to ask for your assistance so that I may not suffer, but instead remain calm and peaceful to prepare for my arrival to the Western Pure Land.

In the event that I should suffer from a terminal illness to the extent that doctors foresee no possible recovery, I ask that no medical treatment be undertaken. Should I already be in the hospital at this point, I wish to be checked out and brought home. Please notify my assigned family member or friend __________________________________
at telephone number(s) ________________________ and _________________________.

Once home, please position me in the most comfortable, natural position in which I may rest. The assigned family member or friend will lead others in chanting “Amituofo.” Should I decline to the point where I lose consciousness and am no longer aware of my surroundings, the assigned family member or friend shall have full authority in making any decisions regarding my well-being. If this person cannot be contacted, please find a Buddhist master or Buddhist believer to aid in the chanting of “Amituofo” until the assigned person can be reached.

Within twenty-four hours prior to and after my death, I would like to ask my friends and family to comply with the following:

1. Do not touch or move my body or even my bed.

2. Do not change my clothing.

3. Do not place dry ice or other substances on my body. Sandalwood incense may be burned if there is any odor.

4. Do not let a breeze blow directly onto my body.

5. Do not allow the scent of alcohol, onions, scallions, garlic, or chives to enter the room.

6. Do not smoke, cry, or talk in the room.

My purpose for asking this is to create an atmosphere in which I may remain calm and at peace. The only sound I wish to hear is “Amituofo,” so that he may escort me to the Pure Land.

If I am at home upon my death, my family should take turns chanting “Amituofo” for eight to twenty-four hours. At this point, I will be ready to be moved, washed, and dressed. This period of chanting is the best time to assist me to be calm and peaceful. All funeral arrangements can be made afterwards. If I should pass away in the hospital, please follow hospital policy and chant as much as is allowed.

During my terminal illness and within forty-nine days after my death, all family members should adopt a vegetarian diet. I do not wish for any killing to be associated with my death. All funeral offerings must be vegetarian. The use of alcohol is strictly prohibited. Funeral arrangements should be kept simple, and proper Buddhist etiquette should be followed. I do not wish for any unnecessary excess.

Within forty-nine days following my death, I sincerely ask my family members and friends to seek my rebirth into the Pure Land, and to perform good deeds such as giving offerings to the Three Jewels of the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, printing sutras, helping the needy, and so on. These good deeds will help me to attain additional good karma, and further assist me in arriving at the Pure Land. Most important is for my family to sincerely chant “Amituofo.”

In order for me to benefit the most and to peacefully arrive at the Pure Land, the above points must be followed. This will not only benefit me but all those involved as well. In this manner, I wish for everyone to learn and to believe in Buddhism. Thus, everyone can arrive at the Pure Land, as well.

Amituofo to all.

These directions express my legal right to request or refuse treatment. Therefore, I expect my family, doctor, and all those concerned with my care to regard themselves as legally and morally bound to act in accord with my wishes.

Signed______________________________________

Date_________________

Witness: I declare that the person who signed this document, or asked another to sign this document on his or her behalf, did so in my presence and that he or she appears to be of sound mind and free of duress or undue influence.

Witness_____________________________________

Date_________________