Offering criticism in a timely, respectful manner.

(Part One) 

Discerning when and how to criticize someone remains a skill few of us have mastered.

Let’s face it, we haven’t even grasped the more basic issue of who we should—and can—criticize. We seem to think it’s a wide-open field. Anyone stumbling into that field who acts in a manner we wouldn’t is subject to the critical remarks bubbling up within us and, unless we manage to catch ourselves, spewing forth.

Wonderful. As if we needed another karmic enmity.

So who do we criticize? Those we are responsible for, like our children or subordinates at work. Those we have a good affinity with and who are open to our suggestions like some family members, friends, and close co-workers. Those we love and respect, who love and respect us.

If there is a good affinity and we feel someone will welcome our opinions, we offer them. For those with whom the affinity is weaker, or non-existent, we guide through setting examples.

And keep out opinions to ourselves.

When stung by criticism, 

is it because the comments were unjustified or 

embarrassingly accurate? 

Criticism can hurt.

Unless helpfully offered, either in delivery or by the right person, it’s easy for us to feel offended or even under attack. If not a case of the person sharply censuring us in front of others, why might we feel so taken aback?

Perhaps the critique is unfair, in which case it’s not surprising we’re dismayed. After having taken the time and put forth the effort to complete a task correctly, here is someone claiming we did it incorrectly.

But what if the criticism is valid. If so, we may well act from embarrassment. Embarrassment over having done something badly and not known it. Or, aware what we did was poorly executed, we didn’t know how to fix the mistakes and didn’t ask for help. Or even worse, knowing there were mistakes, we didn’t bother to correct them.

Next time, instead of being hurt, view the critique as an opportunity to cultivate patience and diligence.

If something is going to happen, 

worry will not stop it.

If something is not going to happen, 

worry wastes time and energy. 

Worries arise from fear—fear things will remain the same, fear they will change. For some of us worry becomes a habit, for others learned behavior. And there are those for whom it seem almost physical: a seemingly inherited genetic mutation in their DNA that results in them being hard-wired for worry.

Whatever the underlying reason, worrying is pointless, a waste of time and energy. If through individual or shared karma, we have set events into motion, worrying won’t prevent them from occurring. And if we haven’t set things into motion, they’re not going to happen, so there’s no need to worry.

Worries are wandering thoughts. We stop worrying by eliminating fear. Fear arises because we stubbornly attach to our existence.

Daily learning and practice will help us let go of attachments and contentedly accept what is and will be.