Why Am I Grieving So Much Over the Death of My Dog or Cat?

I grew up having cats as companions. A few years after graduating from college, I again got a cat. The first day I had him, he alerted me to someone trying to get into the apartment through a hatch over the closet. (You would not have imagined that a tiny kitten could meow and howl so loudly!) From then on whenever someone came to the door of where I lived, he would sit right next to me as I opened the door. When with me in the car, he would not allow anyone to approach the car. We spent many years together. When not protecting me, he was the sweetest friend you could want.

When he died, I grieved more than some people might another human. I later understood that there was a deep karmic connection between us. The fact that he was in one life form and I in another did not matter. The deep, caring karmic affinity was there.

You are grieving for the loss of a loved one.

You are also feeling guilty for not having done more with and for your dog when he was alive. Sadness over knowing we will not see the loved one (regardless of the life form) again and guilt that we did not do enough when the loved one was alive are part of the grief process.

Please let go of any thoughts that grieving the loss of a dog or cat, or an other companion animal, is somehow not right. The karmic connection takes precedence over the form we find ourselves in in our uncountable lifetimes. Knowing about causality and rebirth can greatly help us to recognize and understand the reasons we love.

And the reasons we grieve.

Buddhism and Education

Once, when the Buddha was passing through an area known as Kalama, some people came to ask his guidance. Since the area was well situated, different teachers regularly passed through. Invariably, they would claim that they were right and the other teachers, and their teachings, were wrong.

The Kalamas, who were not the Buddha’s students, requested he tell them how to proceed in discerning and choosing a teacher who did indeed speak the truth.

Knowing the Kalamas to be intelligent, moral people, the Buddha gave them several guidelines, including: “Do not go upon what has been acquired by repeated hearing; . . . nor upon rumor; . . . nor upon surmise; . . . nor upon specious reasoning; nor upon a bias towards a notion that has been pondered over; nor upon another's seeming ability; nor upon the consideration, ‘The monk is our teacher.’”[i]

The Buddha continued explaining to the Kalamas, but for our purposes today, we can stop here. The Buddha was not advising that one should throw out the baby with the bathwater by ignoring all existing doctrine and faith, but rather to proceed wisely—not blindly—when choosing a teacher and his or her teaching, and to test the teaching through experience.

True teachings will withstand examination through experience, through experimentation. If I am told that I will be happy by giving to others, I may be skeptical. But when I give, and see how much my actions mean to another, then I truly know happiness.

If we are not to believe blindly, how do we proceed? With education: the act of being educated.

From a very broad, all-encompassing perspective, the New Oxford American Dictionary defines educate as “give intellectual, moral, and social instruction . . . .” Educate comes from the Latin word meaning to lead out, to bring forth. In the process of leading out, of bringing forth, there is a starting point and that which is brought into view. Something that is already intact, which is uncovered in order to function.

Why is it so important to bring forth all three aspects: intellectual, moral, and social?

Today, academic educational institutions focus on intellectual instruction, on bringing forth what lies within the mind. Looking around it’s not hard to see where this has all too often gotten us: some very smart people making very poor moral choices, which have egregiously harmed society. What has gone wrong?

These institutions focus on economic progress instead of ethical progress, on commercializing the mind not illuminating it. Self-interest has been placed as number one, with the benefit for the many being relegated far down the list. Short-term profits, regardless of the long-term costs reigns. The balance of the three aspects has shifted to a concentration on just one—intellectual. The moral and social aspects have been seriously neglected.

Is the intellectual aspect unimportant?

No at all. The intellectual is important. After all we need to learn the appropriate information and skills in all areas of our lives. We need to learn how to support ourselves, meet our own various societal responsibilities, and be able to function in the world in a manner that helps, not harms, others. We need to learn about others, how they live, their values, the many things we have in common, and the wonderful differences that make humanity so fascinating.

Apart from academic learning, Buddhism looks more at helping us to grow spiritually. For this, we need to learn from wise teachers and teachings in areas like morality, virtues, and causality. These will help enable us to live in the world, but not become ensnared by it. Becoming ensnared will lead to wanting more and more, and, invariably, harming more and more.

With good instruction, we will bring forth the good values that already lie within our very essence, what we call our prajna, our innate, wisdom. Every being has this innate wisdom deep within them. Every being has the ability to function with spontaneous, unconditional care and compassion. Our learning and practice have the goal of illuminating this innate wisdom and goodness so it will arise and shine forth in everything we do.

Practice is why we learn. Practice is fulfilling the teachings.

What of moral instruction?

Good moral values instruction will enable us to get along better with others and will thus bring in social instruction as well. To accomplish this, we need teachers who understand the teachings as the original teachers intended. One way to see if the teacher understands the moral teaching is to observe whether he or she puts them into practice in daily life, in everything they do.

This role modeling is a teaching in itself because it shows that the principles are indeed applicable and appropriate for us. They’re not out-dated or out-of-touch. The role modeling also gives real-life examples of how to apply the principles in daily situations like those we ourselves encounter.

And vitally important, seeing the teacher putting the teachings into action, deepens our confidence in the teachings, and the teacher. This is not just some noble principle I learned last week, this is a genuine teaching that works and can help me. Not only that, it can be seen to help others as well. Someone not taking something without permission or saying what is untrue gives those who observe this a feeling of safety, of not needing to worry in this person’s presence.

What of the person who chose not to commit a wrongdoing? They too are less anxious! There is no need to try to remember what they told one person as opposed to what they told another. No need to worry about being found with something they have no right to possess. No need to fear that something they said or did is wrong and will come back to haunt them. No need to feel ashamed of having hurt a person they hold dear.

By worrying, fearing, and stressing less, both mind and heart will gradually become more calm. The calmer they are, the better they learn and function. And the better that innate, true nature and wisdom will shine forth.

Education—giving the three aspects of intellectual, moral, and social instruction—ennobles us all. It ennobles the one who teaches, for this person has given completely of their knowledge, without holding back, without putting self- interest above the interests of others.

Education ennobles the one who is taught, for this person has learned better how to not merely survive but to grow in the world, how to be a caring, moral person who seeks to help not harm others.

Education ennobles all those who are touched by the teachings for they too are touched by the spirit of the teachings through simply being in the presence of good people and learning how to emulate them.

Education benefits us all for it allows us to become wiser, to be more caring of those who need our help, more respectful of others’ viewpoints, more patient with those we interact with, and happier with ourselves.

~ Talk given at Vesak celebration, May 25, 2013, UNESCO Headquarters, Paris, France

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[i] http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/bps-essay_09.html

What are Good Roots?

To understand roots, think of a seed. Our causes are seeds that we plant. They might be good, bad, or pure. When conditions (circumstances) are right, the seeds will grow. Let's say we hear the name of Amitabha Buddha. A seed is planted deep in our Alaya consciousness. We then chant the name. The seed is strengthened and grows. Eventually, the seed can grow into a sapling, then into a tree. As it grows, the tree's roots grow stronger and deeper.

With our Pure Land tree strong and its roots deep, we have "good roots."

With good roots, we continue to return to our practice over many lifetimes. We are drawn to the practice for we have a strong affinity for it. With good roots, conditions naturally occur as those conditions mature. The more we practice and learn, the stronger our "good roots."

We are both happier now and closer to being reborn in the Pure Land in the future.

How Can I Introduce Buddhism to Others?

Silently.

And with actions.

Why do people ask my Teacher, Venerable Master Chin Kung, about Buddhism? Other than the fact from his appearance that he is a monk, it is primarily his demeanor and actions. Over sixty years of learning Buddhism radiate from from him. He looks happy—he looks calm—he looks thoughtful, interested, caring as is appropriate for the circumstances. Clearly, this is a person who knows something.

This is how we teach others about Buddhism. First we practice the teachings. I can't teach someone to drive a car if I'm not myself a skilled driver. Attempting to teach someone without a good level of competency myself, I run the risk of telling them something that is only part of what they need to know or that is simply wrong. Thus, they run the risk of harming themselves or others, and I have committed the offense of harming another

So first we learn.

And we do.

Well.

And with humility.

If people have the right conditions they will ask us because something about us motivates them to do so. We then introduce the teachings as simply as we can. Not because they won’t understand the teachings on a more elevated level, but rather because we may very well not understand on a more elevated level. We do not want to run the risk of inadvertently saying something wrong. And so we stick with the basics, with what we have learned from those who are farther along the path than we are.

Letting Go is Gaining

With attachments, all too often we find ourselves desiring what we wish for or perhaps missing what we had. It is as if we held a treasured item our hand. After a while, we might see it and little else.

Our thoughts keep returning to it, our eyes keep seeking it. We hold tight. We focus intently on the object of our desiring, our missing.

It is as if we were staring at a tiny grain of sand grasped firmly between two fingers.

We cannot let go.

In our focussing, we fail to look up. In our inability to let go, we do not see what lies beyond—the beach with countless grains of sand, seashells, birds, the sunrise, the sky.

What if we do let go?

We will gain so much more than that which we let go of.