When others unexpectedly 

hurt us with their words,

return kindness not pain. 

Most of us have experienced a trusted friend or a loved one say something so unexpected that we’re stung.

Caught off guard, we struggled to respond. Perhaps, in trying to react compassionately, we figured that something must have upset the person for her to have spoken so unkindly. And in doing so, she carelessly planted seeds for her future suffering. Not wanting to make things worse, we might have even tried avoidance! Instead of dreading another occurrence, we can dedicate merits from our practice to her. Today, after dedicating our merits to adorning the Pure Land, repaying all kindnesses and relieving all suffering, we can add a special dedication to the person causing us distress.

Dedicating merits to someone to help them find happiness and live a peaceful life can dramatically change our perspective.

How so?

It’s hard to remain upset with someone when you just wished for her to find peace and happiness.

When memories of a loved one arise 

and threaten our peace of mind, 

avoid the snare of sadness. 

Often, when we least expect it, something will trigger a memory of a loved one who is no longer in our lives. Instead of being saddened by feelings of loss, we can appreciate and learn from those memories.

We don’t have to remain caught up in grief, regretting how our time together wasn’t longer or how we wasted so much of the time we had.

We can instead choose to feel gratitude, reminding ourselves how fortunate we were to have had the person in our life as long as we did. Instead of regretting how we have no way of replacing the person, we can realize the wisdom in the teachings—that it was our conditions that helped bring about her presence in our current lifetime. Aware of how conditions are the results of good seeds planted in previous lives, we can be more vigilant of the seeds we plant now. So instead of being grieved by our loss, let it inspire us.