No More Time to Waste

Charles and Celine, the couple who run and are continuing to build the Amitabha Buddhist Retreat Centre here in Nanango, Australia, are away today attending a funeral.

I have heard them speak of the gentleman who died—a gentle, caring man—over the past, several years. Celine was the one who answered the phone call from the daughter. The father had been living in a care facility a good two hours from here. There might not be many people at the funeral since no one lived nearby.

When she heard of their old friend's death, Celine immediately responded that she and Charles would be there. The daughter was very grateful that her friends would travel so far to pay their respects to her father, and to be with her.

Change. Impermanence. Nothing lasts forever. A dream, a flash of lightning, a drop of dew. We know these, and yet we push thoughts of loved ones dying out of our minds. It hurts too much to think of it. We’re attached, and we cannot let go. We love, and we cannot bear the thought that one day we will lose those we love.

And so, on that most terrible day, that day the world drops away from below us, we find ourselves in shock and no longer with an option to push reality away. We are face-to-face with impermanence. We are alone. We are in pain. We suffer.

Lifetime, after lifetime, after lifetime, we cling and are attached. We know the reality, but we refuse to accept it. We prefer to live in ignorance, ensnared by our emotions and mired in our habits. This will continue into an endless future unless we change.

We need to awaken.

Now.

Good Spiritual Friend

 

“A good spiritual friend who will help us to stay on the path, with whom we can discuss our differences frankly, sure of a compassionate response, provides an important support system which is often lacking. Although people live and practice together, one-upmanship often comes between them. A really good friend is like a mountain guide. The spiritual path is like climbing a mountain: we don't really know what we will find at the summit. We have only heard that it is beautiful, everybody is happy there, the view is magnificent and the air unpolluted. If we have a guide who has already climbed the mountain, he can help us avoid falling into a crevasse, or slipping on loose stones, or getting off the path. The one common antidote for all our hindrances is noble friends and noble conversations, which are health food for the mind.”

~ Ayya Khema, When the Iron Eagle Flies

 

Can I Help?

Our thoughts can be converted in a second.

Imagine yourself rushing to class with an armful of books, the coffee you just bought, and your purse. Suddenly, somebody bumps into you and you lose your balance. You throw out your arms to try to stop yourself from falling and manage to catch yourself. But in the attempt your books go flying in all directions, your coffee cup falls to the walkway spilling its contents, and your purse opens and all the contents fall out. 

You turn around to yell at the idiot who caused this. You're about to yell "What's wrong with you! Why don't you look where you're going!" but you catch yourself. You're looking at an elderly woman who has fallen to the ground. She looks like she is about to cry. In an instant, you rush to her "Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself? Can I help you get up?"

If we could see as clearly the suffering and unhappiness behind the actions of others, we will be much less inclined to allow those feelings of irritation and self-pity to arise. Instead, we will be trying to find out if others are alright, if they are hurt, if they can help themselves or if they need our help.

Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Not

How do you deal with the death of your spouse? How would you feel if you lost your mother tomorrow? Or your sister or your closest friend? Suppose you lost your job, your savings, and the use of your legs, on the same day; could you face the prospect of spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair? How.... will you deal with your own death, when that approaches? You may escape most of these misfortunes, but you won’t escape all of them.... You can suffer through things like that or you can face them openly—The choice is yours. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not. Pain and suffering are two different animals. If any of these tragedies strike you in your present state of mind, you will suffer.... Buddhism does advise you to invest some of your time and energy in learning to deal with unpleasantness, because some pain is unavoidable. When you see a truck bearing down on you, by all means jump out of the way. But spend some time in meditation, too. Learning to deal with discomfort is the only way you'll be ready to handle the truck you didn't see.

~Ven. Henepola Gunaratana, Mindfulness in Plain English

From Suffering to Compassion

If, when we empathize with the suffering of others, we take in that suffering and feel overwhelmed by it, we may believe our feelings are those of compassion. But taking in the suffering of others will result in our feeling emotionally drained. Our efforts to help will prove ineffective and lead to our feeling disappointment and frustration.

What we don’t yet realize is that we have been reacting with negative energy, not compassion. Compassion is positive energy that results in joy. When we express our compassion, we are able to comfort others, able to help them end their suffering.

So if we are feel suffering at the pain of others, we need to understand that while this is a normal reaction, it is not the ideal reaction and it is not compassion. How can we help others who are in pain if we too become overwhelmed by that pain? They will appreciate we deeply empathize with them, but they will not receive any positive help. And without such help, they will not be any closer to ending their suffering.

Just as we train to not become immersed in our own suffering, we need to do the same with the suffering of other. When we do this, we can progress to feeling compassion. With compassion, we will feel positive energy and will be able to find ways to help others.