No Expectations

Compassion is the intention and capability to lessen suffering and, ultimately, to transform this suffering. When we adopt an awareness imbued with compassion, we seek to ease others’ pain. But in our wish to help, more often than not, we react emotionally and end up getting carried away by our feelings. At times we empathize so completely with what someone is going through that we subject ourselves to the same distress. So instead of one person suffering, there are now two miserable people!

Instead of reacting emotionally, we need to learn to temper our compassion with wisdom. Then we will know how to better help another help another. We will also realize that an individual’s circumstances are the result of past karmas. Therefore, it may well be next to impossible for us to improve another’s situation. This realization does not mean that we should stop caring about others or dismiss their difficulties as being their own fault. It means we understand that our wanting to alleviate their suffering may instead be of benefit to them in the future, in ways we cannot foresee.

So be compassionate, but do not focus on getting immediate positive results. Do not get wrapped up in egoistic thoughts, thinking that “I” can fix the problem. Without such expectations, we will not be disappointed or saddened when our attempts to help end in failure, or worse, aggravate the situation. We will not know how best to help if we fail to temper our compassion with wisdom. In other words, the person we want to help may not have the requisite conditions for us to do so.

When we stop focusing on immediate results and instead focus on just helping others, our compassion will ultimately be able to benefit all beings. By planting the seeds of compassion—the wish for all beings to be happy and free of suffering—we can be confident that we have indeed helped others.

A Heart Cannot Cry

The sound only lasted for a second or two, but it tore through the air with the sharpness of a knife piercing my heart. It was a cry of terror, a scream of recognition and fear. A cry of "How can this be happening?" Of "Why me!"

Of "Stop! I'm a mother!" And "Stop! I'm her child!"

My chest contracted and my heart pounded and I wanted to join the scream with my own "No!" But all I could do to help was to quickly chant, "Amituofo, Amituofo, Amituofo" and focus on those who were so terrified.

And then, as quickly as it began, the screaming was gone. It hadn't stopped, but only passed beyond my ears ability to catch it. But in my mind—in my heart—I still hear. And out there, the terror still exists. It will continue into the night, and into tomorrow, and the next day. Then exhausted, there will be one final, hoarse "No!" Then silence.

And although my mind understands, my heart still whispers "Why."

My mind replies, "Greed. And ignorance. Humans have the ability to live in harmony with their world, but they indulge themselves without thinking of the costs. They think they are special because they have technology and science and power."

And my heart wants to cry, but of course a heart cannot cry.

It can only quiver and remember the calm it knew a few minutes ago. Before I went to shut the front window, before I heard the screams, and before I looked out the window to see the pigs crammed into the truck that was taking them to be slaughtered. So people, with money and more power than they, can enjoy their bacon and pork as they mindlessly eat their breakfast and dinner.

And my heart and my mind hold each other, and together they chant "Amituofo, Amituofo, Amituofo."

Thoughts

We are what we think.

All that we are

arises with our thoughts.

With our thoughts,

we make the world.

Can it get Worse?

Question: Yesterday you wrote about changing destiny for the better. Can we change it so it becomes worse?

Response: Yes! Yuan Liaofan and his wife dedicated themselves to helping others and thus improved their current lifetime. If they had instead decided to act selfishly and do whatever it took to get what they wanted, they could have changed their difiicult lives to even worse ones.

By coasting through life, our lives will turn out as we destined them with our past karmas. But we are creating our future with our current thoughts, speech, and actions. if we focus on doing good, we will pull our destiny in one direction. If we focus on doing what is wrong, we will pull our destiny in the other direction. 

It is this ability to change our future by changing what we do in the present that makes understanding cause and effect so important. Every second, we are creating out own future.  

How Could He and Why Can't Others?

Question: I've been listening to your talks on Changing Destiny and reading how Yuan Liaofan was able to change his destiny by practicing good deeds. Why was he able to change his future when so many other good people have not been able to?

Response: Excellent question! Having had his future predicted and then having seen it unfold exactly as he had been told it would, Yuan Liaofan gradually quit worrying about what would happen to him. He already knew! So he planned and worried less and less, and began to practice meditation. One day, he sat in meditation for three days with a Zen master who asked how he was able to do this. Yuan Liaofan honestly replied that since he already knew what would happen there was no need to think about it.

The Zen master said that Yuan Liaofan had done nothing to change his future. To this Yuan Liaofan replied that he didn't know he could! So the master taught him how to change his future for the better by performing good deeds.

Since Yuan Liaofan was so good at focusing his thoughts, when he did a good deed he sincerely focused on helping the beneficiary of the good deed. As his good fortune increased, he and his wife did not enjoy their good fortune, rather they passed it on to others through their good deeds.

So, first, Yuan Liaofan's ability to control his thoughts enabled him to not think of himself or of self-benefit when he was acting to help others. Many people do not have his ability to do this, or perhaps even realize how important it is that they do so. It also gave him the ability to not be distracted from performing the good deeds. He and his wife did not decide to take a day off from their dedication to helping others. They were so dedicated that they both counted how many good deeds they had done that day. And they did this every day.

Second, as Yuan Liaofan's good fortune increased, he and his wife passed it on to others instead of enjoying it themselves. This in turn, further increased their good fortune to such a degree that their lives improved in their current lifetime.

Yuan Liaofan, who was not destined to sit for the imperial exams, ended up passing the county and regional examinations, and then placed ninth in the provincial examination. He received promotions far above what he had been destined to receive. He died at seventy-four when he was supposed to die at fifty-three. He and his wife had two sons when they had been destined to be childless. It is rare to have someone change their destiny this soon and so dramatically.

Third, we actually never know how people are changing their lives because we do not have the ability to know what those lives were supposed to be like. For all we know, the people we think are not currently reaping the benefits of their self-sacrifice may well be doing so. Perhaps what they were supposed to endure was to have been even more difficult.

Our difficulty in sorting out causality and destiny is that we see such a tiny portion of reality. We cannot remember the past nor see into the future. But at the very least we do know how we feel when we do something wrong or something good. So even if someone is still unsure of destiny, much less of changing it, we can still decide how we want to feel for the rest of the day.