To Let Go

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means to care for all equally.

To let go is not to cut someone off,
it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be who they are.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,
it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish it.

To let go is not to regret the past or worry about the future,
but to live in the moment.

To let go is to fear less and love more!

Adapted from a poem by author unknown




Deep within our store consciousness, are all the seeds of all our past thoughts, speech, and deeds. There are seeds of kindness and seeds of treachery. Seeds of suffering and seeds of happiness. Some are large and strong, while others are small and weak.

While we cannot alter the fact that we planted these seeds and carry them with us through innumerable lifetimes, we can choose which seeds to nurture and which to leave untouched. 

We can choose to water the seeds of delusion and ignorance, and our suffering will increase. Or, we can tend and care for the seeds of awakening and wisdom, and thus be closer to happiness and liberation.



My Choice


Even if everyone else is not doing good,

I alone will.

Even if everyone else is doing wrong,

I alone will not.


~ Ven. Master Chin Kung in Heart of A Buddha ~ 


Paying Attention Works

Someone who heard my talk the other day on "Pay attention, Do good," called me today. She said that her sister called at 1am on the day after the talk to say that she thought her leg was broken and her husband was out of town. At 1am, my friend couldn't remember which was said first, but told her sister that she'd come right over to take her to the hospital.

On the way to her sister's house, my friend saw a young woman with a long skirt, short jacket, and no scarf walking along the road. This was on a cold night when it was snowing. But the woman was approaching a lighted gas station and not knowing her sister's condition my friend drove another mile down the road, quickly got her sister into the car, and drove back on the same road. Explaining about the young woman, my friend watched the roadside very carefully trying to spot the woman. She was hoping the woman had stopped at the gas station.

Then the woman was spotted still walking alongside the road. My friend pulled over and asked the woman if they could give her a ride. She was hesitant but then got into the car and said she was going to a gas station where her brother worked. My friend drove her there and the two sisters watched as the young woman was met by her brother.  

We had also discussed in the class what emotions could set in after paying attention and doing good. We could feel proud that we had acted. We could want to tell others what we had done. My friend said she learned another way to feel. Motivated by the good feeling of having been paying attention and doing good, she was looking for more opportunities to do the same. But the next time she would not tell anyone else about what she had done.  


Transforming Grief and Loss

Grief is a natural reaction to losing someone we loved as the pain of never again being able to be with that person takes over our heart. But as our grief begins to lessen, we can either move on to just getting back to the daily business of living or we can do something good—something special that will benefit others. If we chose to do the latter, we will honor the person we have been mourning. And with that celebration of the loved one’s existence, we will begin to heal ourselves.

What is that “something good”? What would be appropriate? Consider who the person was and what their concerns were. If they had a favorite charity, you could contribute to that charity or, better yet, volunteer to help them. Or, find an activity to participate in that reflects what the loved one felt was important.

For example, my mother was very happy with my writing and speaking about Buddhism. I never quite figured out how she managed it so well, but she could begin talking to a stranger and in her first few sentences incorporate Buddhism into that conversation. She would tell them that Buddhism is not a religion and her daughter is a Buddhist nun. She’d say a few more things, often about how so much more patient I was now, and that was it. End of Dharma talk, and back to general conversation.

So to honor my mother, her bedroom is gradually being transformed into a “Dharma propagation room.” It’s messy due to a mixture of bedroom and work furniture, but I just keep apologizing and explaining that as things settle down, I'll straighten the room.

Personally, I don’t think she would mind the crowded room. She would be happy that I was happy working again. And touched that I was honoring her existence in this way. And then she'd remind me that I need to go eat my lunch...