View the death of a loved one like a coin—it has two sides.

Too often, we get caught up in grief and fail to see the other side—gratitude. Which side we focus on is crucial. Grieving is a process we go through. But it can stop being a process and become a place, a spot we cannot move beyond. Thoughts of the ones we loved but are now lost to us can bring inexpressible suffering.

Why? we cry, silently or aloud.

After the shock, the guilt, the anger, the realization of the magnitude of the loss and our loneliness, we can remain stuck—trapped in this pit of quicksand.

Or we can turn the coin over and gaze at the face of gratitude.

We benefitted from the person’s wisdom, and humor. They helped us know when we should be determined and strong, and when we should be gentle. They challenged and encouraged us. Cared about us. Loved us.

So stop continuing to grieve, for it tarnishes the side called gratitude. Focusing on gratitude will polish this side with our love, until it glows.