Gossiping

• From the perspective of practice, the major problem of criticizing others is not “whether he is in fact wrong and I am right,” but the fact that our ears and eyes are already making judgments and our minds are closed to everything but our own perceptions. Further, we are creating negative karma through the incipience of our ideas and depriving ourselves of merits. Therefore, our six sensual organs are like six thieves, and the purpose of practice is to prevent them from wildly pursuing the sense objects so that we can close the door to vexation. We should train our ears not to crave for pleasant melodies; eyes, agreeable surroundings; nose, fragrance; mouth, tasty food; and train our minds to be free of discrimination. Then we can concentrate on reciting the Buddha’s name and the sutras, performing prostration, sitting meditation, and other practices that will liberate us from the cycle of birth and death. If we keep up these practices, how could we have the time and the mood to pursue external distractions, or to comment on how others behave?
• If you criticize others and your mind is disturbed or vexed by it, you would have no one but yourself to blame. Do not be judgmental of what others do: be tolerant. Then, not only will you enjoy peace of mind but will avoid creating negative karma through your words. This is the first and utmost important principle in practice. Remember: “Act according to (rather than against) circumstances, forbear everything, then enjoy peace of mind.” This is the best antidote for a troubled mind.
• Don’t say that there are good people and evil ones. All judgments are but distinctions made by our minds. To those who really know how to practice, all sentient beings are helpful mentors.

~ Analects of Master Kuang-ch'in

Comments

[tessa]

What about the line "Do not be judgmental of what others do: be tolerant". To a certain extent, I agree with it. But what about situations where the person is saying things that are hurtful, wrong and using words that are not only detrimental to others but to themselves as well? Do we remain silent or do we say something (to guide them to a different path)? In my personal experience, I've tried both approaches. Sometimes speaking out creates a lot of headaches but in remaining silent, I wonder if I seem like Im agreeing with what they are saying (I dont). Could you expand on this please? Thank you.

[Venerable Wuling]

Tessa,

In talking about gossiping, Master Kuang-ch'in said "If you criticize others and your mind is disturbed or vexed by it, you would have no one but yourself to blame, Do not be judgmental of what others do: be tolerant." In your comment, it sounds like you may be thinking more of a situation where you know the person who said something wrong and could have the opportunity to speak to them about it. The master was talking about a situation of gossiping with others about what someone else had said. So his context was one where talking about what had been said would not make the situation better, but rather cause even more upset without any potential for rectifying what was said.

As for speaking to a person we believe has said something hurtful, as we all have learned, correcting this takes 1. much tact, 2. a good affinity with the speaker so they will listen to what we say without becoming upset, and 3. good timing. To accomplish this, we would need 4. a calm mind that was undisturbed by what the person had said.

For most of us having all four of the above and being able to see the situation clearly and know the truth, without making any judgments, is extraordinarily difficult. So most of us run the risk of not only creating more upset in our own mind and those around us, but also of making an enemy of the speaker if we don't handle the situation wisely. Both, or even one, will have planted the seeds for more confrontations in the future.

Does this help clarify things?

[Tessa]

Thank you for your explanation. Yes, it takes much effort to correct someone. And I suppose when in doubt over your ability to correct someone without causing further harm, it would be best to keep silent.