All Beings Have Been Our Parents

Once, when a person was distraught over the death of his father, the Buddha asked him which father he meant; his father in this lifetime? Of his last lifetime? A lifetime before that?

It can become very easy for us to become lost in our sorrow over the death of a parent or someone else we were close to. Perhaps the death was sudden and we weren’t prepared for it to happen. In the future, of course, but today—no. Perhaps we had planned things together, and now we will not have the opportunity to fulfill those plans. And so we mourn the loss of what might have been. Perhaps our parent had been a close friend, and now that closeness is ended and we feel adrift. And so a deep sadness sets in, and feels like it will be with us forever.

But as it is said in the Brahma Net Sutra, “All male beings have been my father; all female beings have been my mother.” If we focus only on thoughts of our parents of this lifetime, we will be ignoring all those we loved in innumerable other lifetimes.

For the first forty-nine days, after my usual dedication of merits after my practice and work, I said a second merit dedication for my mother. But each time, I felt both worry for her and loss for me. But gradually, there was an increasing sense of happiness when I came to the final words of the dedication for I was thinking of the Pure Land. And as I added my father to the dedication, I felt happier.

Focusing on the love we have had for innumerable past parents can help us to pull ourselves back from sadness and loss. For if we grieve too much, we will not be able to dedicate ourselves to helping others end their sorrow, and thus, their suffering. Wanting to help all those who have been our parents can begin to fill our heart with equanimity and love. In time, there will be no room for sorrow.