Expectations or Aspirations?

Aspirations are our wish to achieve things. Expectations are the strong hope that something will happen.

Aspirations are what happen inside us. They arise from within us and require action on our part. I aspire to help others. I aspire to get a graduate degree. I aspire to enjoy the day whether the sun shines or the rain pours down.

Expectations are what happen outside us. I expect others to appreciate my help. I expect to graduate and then get a good job. I expect the sun to shine and the rain to hold off for another day.

Aspirations show our higher goals. I aspire to be more patient, to spend more time with my children, to be a model of goodness, to meet my parent's ideals for me.

Expectations are more ordinary. And they involve others, which makes them so unpredictable and expose us to much unhappiness. An aspiration is a wish that I act on, but an expectation depends on others to perform or a situation to unfold as I want.

Expectations bind us to disappointment.

Aspirations allow us to soar.

Happiness

Happiness lies in the smile,

not in the object

that inspired the smile.

Uncle Alexander

We should put our clothes away in their proper places.

We should not carelessly throw them around

for they will get dirty that way.

Georgina did not like to clean her room. When her mother would tell her to put her things away, Georgina would always say “Later” and continue with what she was doing.

One day, after Georgina said, “Later,” she noticed her mother looking very thoughtful. Georgina became curious, not knowing what her mother was thinking. At last her mother said, “We’ll see what Uncle Alexander thinks of this.” She then quietly closed the door. Georgina was totally confused. She didn’t have an Uncle Alexander. What was her mother talking about?

That night, it took Georgina a long time to fall asleep. When she finally did, she had the strangest dream. A man was busily moving around the room and throwing all her clothes that were on the floor onto her bed. She was being buried alive! In a panic she woke up. And then she really panicked for it wasn’t a dream. There was a man in her room and he was busily throwing clothes on top of her bed as if she wasn’t in it!

For a few moments, she couldn’t talk. But finally, she managed to get out a “Who are you?”

He looked down at her and replied in a very matter-of-fact voice, “Uncle Alexander, of course.”

Georgina blinked. He seemed harmless. That is as long as you didn’t count trying to bury her alive under her own clothes. “I don’t have an Uncle Alexander,” she informed him.

Shrugging this off, the man replied, “Of course you do. I’m him.” And then he dumped another pile of clothes on top of her.

Georgina was getting really frustrated with the whole situation. “I do not have an Uncle Alexander!” she wailed.

“Well if you don’t have an Uncle Alexander, then why did your mother say she was going to see what I thought about this?” Georgina couldn’t think of a thing to say. So he dumped another pile of clothes on her bed. With the clothes now spilling on to the floor, Georgina was beginning to fear she wouldn’t be able to get out of her own bed. “Stop” she demanded, but he ignored her and seemed to reach even more quickly for the next pile of clothes.

“Please stop” she asked, remembering the wonderful effect this word had on adults.

Immediately the man stopped and stood there. “Ah! Are you talking to me?“

Georgina blurted out in frustration at a situation over which she didn’t seem to have any of her usual control, “Of course, I am. Who else would I be talking to?”

He frowned and reached to pick up another pile of clothes.

“I’m sorry,” said Georgina who now was almost buried under the mountain of clothing. “I’m not used to seeing people, sorry, Uncles, picking up my clothes in the middle of the night.”

“Well of course you’re not. Your poor mother has never asked me for help before.”

Georgina decided she had better get out of her bed while she still could and tumbled onto the floor. She asked, speaking politely this time, “Why are you here?”

“Because your room is such a mess. You throw everything on the floor and your mother has to keep picking up after you. If she didn’t, you’d never be able to find anything.” Uncle Alexander looked around and said, “Shocking. Just shocking.”

Georgina looked around and found she had to agree with him. It was a mess. And looking at it now, it did seem shocking. And embarrassing. And worse, hopeless. She looked up at her uncle and said anxiously, “If Mom sees this, she’ll pass out. What can I do, I’ll never be able to clean all this up by morning.”

Uncle Alexander smiled at her for the first time. “Would you like me to help you clean up?”

Realizing that all he had really been doing was move the clothes she had left lying around, Georgina nodded and said gratefully, “Oh, yes please.” Together, they began to put all her clothes away. It wasn’t easy because there were so many clothes on her bed, on the floor, on the chair, desk, lamp: everywhere! As Georgina began to have to put all her clothes away herself, she realized just what a pain it was to have to do this. And her mother did it every week.

Eventually they got every last bit of clothing put away. Georgina was exhausted as she got back into her bed. She smiled up at her uncle and impulsively threw her arms around his neck and breathed a sleepy “Thank you” into his ear as he kissed her on the cheek and said “Good night.”

The next day, Georgina’s mother came in and looked around in amazement. She looked at Georgina questioningly. Georgina explained, “Uncle Alexander was here last night and helped me.”

Her mother laughed. “Ah yes, that was something my mother used to say to me. There’s never been an Uncle Alexander in our family.”

Another Chance

Think of a person, now deceased, who you loved more than anyone else in your life.

Think of all the things you wish you had done for her or said to him. All the times you wish you had been more patient, more attuned to their unspoken needs and wishes, more concerned with their happiness and what would have brought it about, more aware of their sadness and how you could have done more to ease it.

Think of all the things you did right, but failed to do often enough.

Feeling the love and the regret, look around you. In our uncountable lifetimes, all beings have been someone we loved just as much. Someone we missed just as intensely. Someone we wish with our all heart we had done more for.

Our loved one we are thinking of is no longer with us. But the others are still here. The next time negative thoughts of the person you are with arise, feel your love for the one no longer here and remember the pain of regret.

And act toward the person with you as you wish you had with the one who is gone.

What Can Buddhists do When a Beloved Animal Friend Dies?

Question: About two weeks ago my pet dog (14.5 yrs old) has passed on.We have conducted a basic chanting of Buddha Name for 8 hrs plus another 4 hrs of random chanting.The body was then sent for cremation at the 15th hour. Is that safe?After cremation the remains of ashes was then scattered into the sea (sea burial by ourselves).Hope i have done the right thing since so much of supportive prayers for human but nothing much mentioned for animals.Really pray and hope we have done sufficient for this little living being. May he also be liberated into the Land of The Ultimate Bliss.

Response: Your dog was extremely fortunate and yes, you did all the right things from the chanting to waiting fifteen hours before sending him to be cremated to the dispersing of the ashes on the sea.

Chanting for eight hours is recommended as necessary for humans, with longer being even better. Humans need this long because we are so attached to our bodies it takes a long time for our consciousness to completely leave the body. But animals do not have the ego we do. They are not nearly so attached to their bodies. So the consciousness of your dog was able to leave the body more quickly.

Just as the human consciousness can detect our chanting, your dog's consciousness could do the same. And wherever he is reborn all those seeds will be in that consciousness waiting for the right time to mature.

To take the ashes and scatter them on the sea shows there was much love between you. I, and the readers of this entry, know many people who sadly would not have done all you did for another human. Also, there was much respect that did not discriminate, but understood that your dog had a Buddha nature the same as your own.

All that remains to do now is for you to send out thoughts to your dog encouraging him to seek rebirth in the Pure Land. Just talk to him like the very special friend he was.

Your little friend was very fortunate in both his living and his dying. May your mind be at peace for you have done more than was necessary, and a portion of the merits from all your chanting will accrue to your dog, and he will receive the benefit from them.