Three Ways to Change

How do we not become angry when there are so many triggers to set us off? What can we do about frustrating all those frustrating and infuriating situations we encounter. We might decide to control our tempers by promising ourselves that we will catch the anger before it gets out of hand, but this is very difficult to do for we will have to catch our anger before it erupts.

Another way to control anger is to understand causality: We become angry because of past thoughts, speech, and actions. Due to present thoughts, speech, and actions, if we do not modify our behavior now, we will suffer even more from our tempers in the future. This understanding will enable us to better overcome our anger.

The best way, however, is to have a change of heart. When we do so, we will have already begun to understand how hurt and resentful criticism feels, and how uncomfortable and upsetting anger feels. We will also understand how hurt, resentful, and upset the other person feels. Eventually, empathizing with their pain and the pain of so many beings who suffer from the consequences of anger, our anger will dissolve and not even arise.

Overcoming our anger by watching our thoughts is very difficult: We have to be aware of each incident that irritates us so we can catch the anger before it erupts. Overcoming the anger by understanding causality is also difficult because we have to constantly remind ourselves of what is actually going on.

Overcoming and transforming anger and damaging, negative emotions is best accomplished by no longer having room for them in our hearts. There is no place for thoughts of retaliation, ego, or defensiveness. All that are allowed to grow are unselfish thoughts of helping others.

Purify the Mind

Avoid all that is bad.

Embrace all that is good.

Purify the mind.

To live lives of happiness and freedom, we need to "Avoid all that is bad.” We need to curtail and eventually eliminate our attachments and aversions because they lead the way to so many of our negative emotions and bad habits. They will also continue to lead us to lifetimes upon lifetimes of unhappiness if we allow them to do so.

As we work to “Embrace all that is good,” a good place to start is the eradication of our greed through giving and generosity. We will feel the happiness from giving something to another. Gradually, we will find ourselves thinking less of the elation we feel after having done something for another. And eventually, we will just find ourselves offering spontaneously and no longer even thinking about what we have done. We will find, instead, that we naturally maintain a quiet and tranquil state of happiness.

As we let go of attachment and aversion, we will gradually learn to no longer become upset but will remain calm and content when we encounter things not working out as we hoped or expected. This will happen infrequently at first, but with time and practice, we will react this way more often. And when things do go the way we want, we will again remain calm and content, instead of feeling proud or desirous in wanting the pleasantness to continue. The more we let go of selfishness and of attachments, and aversions, the more at ease we will be regardless of the circumstance. In this way, we will be learning how to “Purify the mind.”

As High as a Mountain

 

The negative karma we have accumulated in the eons has grown as high as a mountain. The purpose of practice is to eradicate such karma. If we fail to practice diligently and continue to create more negative karma, that mountain of obstruction will grow to an ever more formidable height, barring us from escaping the cycle of birth and death.

~ Analects of Master Kuang-ch'in

Saner Way of Reacting

Many of us find that we can gradually manage not becoming upset at bad occurrences. But not wanting the good times to continue can be more difficult because it seems harmless. What is wrong with wanting tomorrow to be as good as today? Wanting the happiness to continue? While this thinking does not harm others, it can inadvertently harm us for we are attaching or clinging to good times. And this is a form of greed.

What we are aiming at is to remain calm and content—to be unattached—at all times. Yes, this is extremely difficult at first and may well seem impossible. But with enthusiasm and effort, very gradually, we will find that when things do not go our way and on those unusual times when they do, we will remain calm and content either way.

So often it seems that other people want to do something differently from the way we want to do it. When others want to do things one way and we want to do them another, this is the very time that we need to be not attached to our way of doing things. If their preference is not morally wrong but just another way of doing something, consider their suggestions with an open mind. Will their way work as well as yours? Is it simply another way of accomplishing the task that you hadn't thought of?

Becoming upset, being in a bad mood, and making everyone uncomfortable will not help anyone. Try and remember two contrasting occasions: one that had you fuming and another in which you were extremely happy. Which feels better? Do not give in to the old negative habits: Find a saner way of reacting.

Helping Spontaneously

 

In Buddhism, we often talk about giving as one of the practices of bodhisattvas. People sometimes ask me what about those who are unable to give possessions because they themselves don't have much. What can they do if there is nothing extra to give to others?

Not having excess material resources does not preclude us from giving, for we can also give of our abilities and time. All forms of giving allow us to counteract our craving—this is just another way to do so. How many times has somebody asked for our help? And how many times have we excused ourselves by saying that we were very tired; when in reality, we just wanted to stay home and relax.

And what if we had helped? How many of us have thought “I wonder how soon I can leave. There is so much to do. When I go home, I’m going to be exhausted. I wish I had stayed home.”

This is a form of greed. This is thinking that our comfort is more important than that of others. To counteract this greed, we can practice generosity. We all probably know excellent examples of people who do this, people whom we admire and whom we wish we were like. Upon being asked for help or just seeing that somebody needs assistance, these people automatically help the other person. It just seems so natural for them to do so.

When we spend some time to think about it, we will realize this kind person was probably even more tired than we were, but was able to do so much more than we did, or wanted to, and seemingly without getting tired or disgruntled. They looked happy doing exactly what they were doing, which was helping someone else. This is genuine generosity.

We, too, will be overcoming our greed when we can help others spontaneously. If we persevere, the day will arrive when we will be able to help people without waiting to be asked, when we will just do so without any prompting. This practice takes time to develop, but, gradually we will improve.