Four Immeasurable Minds: Equanimity

The fourth mind is equanimity, which is letting go. It counters attachment and aversion. It is to stop clinging and to no longer judge or discriminate. It does not mean that we do not love. It means that we love equally and impartially, like a mother who loves all her children. Loving every one of her children, a mother’s love for one child is not lessened. Loving all her children with equanimity does not mean she is indifferent to what her children feel or do. She simply loves them all unconditionally and without expectations.

Equanimity in love is non-possessive. It is like the sun shining on all beings equally. The sun does not differentiate, deciding to shine more on this person and less on that person. Neither does the sun cling to those it shines on. It shines on all it sees with warmth and brightness—equally.

When we can view everyone with equanimity, we will understand that people are who they are. If we expect them to conform to our ideals, we will doom ourselves to disappointment. It would be much better to just accept people as they are, without any of our pre-conceived views and personal judgments. Our only wish should be for them to be free from suffering, and to be happy and filled with joy.

Four Immeasurable Minds: Joy

The third mind is that of joy, which is wanting all beings to be free from unhappiness and being sincerely happy, without any trace of jealousy, when they accomplish this. Joy counters sadness. It is the state of great contentment and ease.

All too often, we wish to control others. We become irritated when they fail to behave as we wish. If others then praise them for their behavior, we become even more frustrated. But we should learn to feel happy for them. If the person is genuinely happy in what they have chosen to do and their actions have not harmed anyone, then, yes, we ought to feel joy for them.

Four Immeasurable Minds: Compassion

The second mind is compassion, which is the wish and intention to alleviate the suffering of others. It counters sorrow and anxiety. It is the unconditional care and concern for all living beings, the ability to realize that all beings experience distress, not just ourselves or those we care for. All too often we find ourselves trying to ease the pain of those we love and care for, but completely disregarding the pain of other people whom we do not care for or even dislike. Ideally, our compassion should be felt equally to all.

This practice can be very powerful. Many of us have someone in our lives who seems determined to cause us problems. But if we take the time to look carefully, we might well see that this person, in turn, has someone in their lives who causes constant difficulties. By beginning to understand this person's situation, we can begin to feel some compassion for his  or her constant distress.

In this and other situations, we can try to have compassion by understanding how the other person is feeling. It is not necessary to have experienced exactly what they are going through, or to become immersed in the situation with them. We will accomplish nothing if we empathize so completely that we are unable to effectively help them. Instead, we need to remain clear in our thinking and reactions.

If someone is drowning, jumping in not knowing how to swim will not help. What we need to do is to save her from drowning. To do this, it is not necessary to experience the same situation as the one she is experiencing. We need to calmly find a way to fix the situation, using our own experience and wisdom to guide us.

Four Immeasurable Minds: Loving-kindness

One of the practices of bodhisattvas, beings who seek awakening for themselves and all beings, is the Four Immeasurable Minds.

The first mind is that of loving-kindness, which is offering happiness to others. The second is the mind of compassion, which is the intention and wish to relieve the suffering of others. Third is joy, which is felt when beings experience happiness. And fourth is equanimity: being neither averse to nor attached to anything. We should understand that we cannot cause others to transcend suffering or to feel happiness or joy, but we can still have the wish that all beings will be able to accomplish such freedom and joyfulness.

Loving-kindness is the practice of selflessness, where we constantly seek to benefit others and to help others to find happiness. When we wish to hurt another, we are experiencing anger. Waiting for an opportunity to inflict harm on that person, we are experiencing animosity. When animosity continues for a long time it becomes hostility. When we act upon these thoughts through speech or actions, the hostility becomes cruelty. To counter these destructive emotions, we need loving-kindness.

To offer happiness to others, we need to know what they want, and for this we need to listen and understand. If someone tells us that they do not need or want something but we insist on giving it to them, we are only offering frustration and irritation, not happiness. If they wish for nothing, then giving them nothing is the offering of happiness. We should try to give others what they wish for as long as it is not harmful, even if what they like is something we do not. Our personal desires or opinions simply usually do not reflect what other people want.

So often in our wish to make others happy, we project what we like onto them. Our intentions may be good, but without wisdom the best of intentions can backfire, exasperating others and disappointing ourselves. To offer happiness, we need to set aside the thinking that others wish for what we wish and, instead, provide other people with what they truly wish for.

The Light of a Buddha

King Ajatasatru invited the Buddha to preach and offered as a token of his piety several tens of thousands of lamps. At the time, an old woman (named Nanda) who had been begging, and had only managed to collect two coins, bought some oil with them and offered it all in a small lamp to the Buddha. [With this offering she vowed to eliminate the darkness of the sufferings of all people.] Old and hungry, she later collapsed and died.

By the next morning the many lamps offered by the king had already burned themselves out, but the lamp of the poor old woman was still burning with increasing brilliance. When it proved impossible to extinguish it, the Buddha explained that it was so because of the donor’s extremely fervent faith and transcendental vow. ‘The light of a Buddha can never be extinguished’ said the [Buddha] who then predicted that she would attain Buddhahood.

~ Seeker's Glossary of Buddhism, pg. 557-558