A Caregiver’s Good Fortune 

Being a caregiver can be exhausting and frustrating. The hours are long and the work often lonely. Caregivers lose their freedom and can feel trapped by circumstances that they cannot control. The patient may well have a condition from which he or she will not recover. So the caregiver has to often handle growing feelings of impending loss and the resultant grief. Uncertainty and fear are given constants.

A caregiver—even one who starts out with love and enthusiasm—can quickly feel overwhelmed, saddened, and powerless. But even in this most challenging situation, there can be joy and gratitude. 

How often have we heard someone say, after the death of a loved one, “I thought I had more time.”

Thinking that, the person didn’t get around to visiting or even to calling very often. There were other things to do. An urgent project at work, a book to return, a must-see movie, laundry to be done. And, after all, there was enough time. 

And then suddenly one day, it was too late. There was no more time.  

No more time to go over photos together and hear the family stories again. No more time for visits on a cold winter night with a cup of tea and “Remember when...?” moments. No chance to look into the loved one’s eyes and to thank them, and for them to smile and say “Thank you” back. No more time for joy and gratitude. But much time for regret.  

And the caregiver?

The caregiver has time aplenty! So many ways to say “Thank you.” So much time to share that cup of tea. So many opportunities to hug a parent or a spouse and say “I want to do this” and “I’m not going to leave you.” So many ways to wordlessly say “Don’t be afraid. I’m here.” So much time for the unexpected silliness and the shared laughter. So many wonderful memories.

And much less need for regret.

The Ten Virtuous Karmas: I Resolve

Lost opportunities have the power to haunt. 

Some years ago, a woman related something that happened when her daughter was young.

While checking out in a grocery store, she heard the woman at the next register saying she did not have enough money to pay for all her groceries. Planning how she was going to get daughter and groceries to the parked car, the young mother realized—too late—that if she had not been so self-absorbed, she could have offered to help pay for the other woman’s groceries.

Years later, her oversight still haunts her.

That young mother is now a loving grandmother, thoughtful of everyone she encounters. Like all of us, she has regrets. One of them is how years before, failing to notice what was happening in someone else’s life, she missed the opportunity to provide assistance.

How easy it is for each of us to become so preoccupied with our own lives that we fail to notice situations in the lives of others. And so, not paying attention, we miss an opportunity to do good.