Even advice from those who irritate us

 can be valid.  

Hopefully, we have someone whom we have an unusually good affinity with. We respect and trust this person so much that when she corrects us, we just say “Oh, okay.” And then we calmly do as she recommends. No-fuss. No arguing. We simply accept the advice and act on it because she knows us and cares about us, and offers her words in a non-emotional, non-confrontational way. And if it comes with critique, it is easy to accept.

Unfortunately, there are those we share a weak affinity with and whom we trust only minimally. So when he criticizes us, we bristle with irritation. We may not even utter a reply. Such defensive stances are typical for us still stuck here in samsara.

But maybe, just maybe, he has valid points, helpful ones. While he may not have our best interests at heart, he may well be clearly observing the situation. We need to consider that his advice, even if given unskillfully and without affection, might be accurate.

What to do when everything we say is irritating. 

You and another person have been friends for years. Many times laughing about silly things, at times pensive over others. But things have changed. The easy banter has morphed into more occasions where you irritate the other person. You’ve tried being careful with every word. But it’s exhausting. And so you begin to avoid the person.

Many of us have been there. And we begin to wonder why. We ask ourselves, have we been the irritant? The culprit? Hopefully not.

Then, is the other person irritating us, slowly enough not to be so noticeable? Yes? Then we need to get to the root of it and figure out what to do. Was it over a minor incident? Hardly seems worth ruining a friendship over. A major incident? It sounds like a discussion is needed for both our sakes.

Or perhaps the person is going through a difficult time, and it’s nothing to do with the friendship. So instead of conjuring up all sorts of personal wrongdoing, why not just ask the other person if everything is alright.