Forgive and Forget

Think you can’t do it? Or that the person doesn’t deserve it?

Recently, I was talking to a woman who owns a small company. A successful businesswoman, she is also an accomplished Buddhist. How so?

She told me that an employee embezzled some funds, a considerable amount of funds. When a third-party discovered what had happened, they contacted the police and the employee was arrested. The police asked the business owner if she wanted to also press charges. Asking if it was necessary, the police said no because the third-party had already done so. The case was clear-cut and the evidence complete.

The businesswomen said she’d prefer not to press charges and then asked after the welfare of the embezzler. As you can imagine, the police were taken aback by the business owner’s unruffled demeanor and concern about someone who had stolen from her.

Why did the business owner react this way?

She told me she must have owned the employee from a past life, so hopefully the debt was now re-paid.

If you think this is a Pollyanna reply, please reconsider.

What good would getting angry have done? Would it have gotten the money back? Would raising her blood pressure have made her feel better? Would testifying against the former trusted employee have made her happy? Made the situation disappear?

Getting angry would have caused the business owner to suffer physically and karmically. She knew this because she understood cause and effect. She understood the situation. The embezzler had been stopped. Seeking revenge through testifying would have prolonged any upset the owner had felt. Letting go of the desire for revenge through understanding and compassion, she was not suffering from this betrayal of her trust and friendship. She was able to quickly move on. She was again busy helping others through her Buddhist activities and looking after the interests of her clients who depended on her.

I have spoken with many people who cannot let go of their anger and wish to get even. I have also spoken with people who understand causality and have been able to let go. I have seen the results of both approaches to adversity. And I admire and respect those who can let go and move on for they are truly happy.

When Can We Stop?

A few days ago a comment was made on another entry. The writer wrote that he could see that,

"Whenever we're being treated badly…it's our bad karma. When others treat us badly, it's perfectly all right for them [to do so]. So at what point does this stop? Surely, we can't keep 'accepting' or suffering bad treatment? At what point do we stop being takers?"

Personally, I wouldn't say that it was "perfectly alright" because the person who is mistreating us is committing their own harmful actions and will have to suffer their own painful results in the future. They will find themselves in a similar position to our current one. So ideally we would feel badly about the future suffering that the other person is currently creating for themselves.

What of our situation? Our bad retributions are the results of our bad actions. If I do something wrong, how can I expect to avoid the consequences? It is fair for me to receive the results of my actions. It would not be fair if I could evade the results. And if I resent these karmic results by becoming angry or upset, I’m just committing more wrong actions that will result in additional bad results!

The reality is that I laid the ground work for my karmic retributions. There's no point in blaming the person who delivers these retributions to me. We're not "taking it" in the sense that the other person is mistreating us for no good reason. We're simply receiving what we created for ourselves. So there's no point in getting upset with the "messenger."

And actually, with our current understanding that painful situations are the direct result of past wrongdoings, this is the best time for us to undergo our bad karmic consequences. As much as we have difficulty accepting these retributions even when we have learned of causality, imagine how much more difficult it will be in a future lifetime when we know nothing of cause and effect.

It's Habits

It's all about habits.

It's our habit to use the plastic and styrofoam utensils that are provided when we go to a snack bar or the continental breakfast at a motel. It's not our habit to carry a set of utensils and handkerchief with us when we know we'll be eating out.

It’s our habit to run to the store for a forgotten item whenever we please. It's not our habit to plan our meals for the week, make a list of everything we need from the drugstore, figure out what other errands we need to do, and then do everything in one trip.

It’s our habit to run the dishwasher when it’s only half full or do a partial load of laundry in hot water after having worn the clothing just once. It’s not our habit to conserve water and heating fuel by waiting for a full load of dishes or wearing our clothes a few times before washing them in cold water.

It’s our habit to buy what we want, the minute we want it. It’s not our habit to wait and see if we really even need it. Or can afford it.

We can think these new habits are inconvenient and a bother. We can justify our actions by saying we don't have time to get some reusable utensils, nor do we want to be thought of as a crazy environmentalist. We can tell ourselves that we have too many important things on our minds to not do something when we want to. We can say that one pair of shoes or another paper napkin won't make any difference. We can give ourselves any number of "reasons" for doing things in a way that is convenient for us. We may view all these conveniences as things we are entitled to.

We may not even think.

But we need to. We need to realize that we are all standing around a very large—but not bottomless—container of resources. Each time I reach in and take something out, there is a little less for everyone else.

We need to think about every action we take. We need to make new habits.

And we need to do so quickly, because every day we are getting closer to the bottom of that container.

A Field of Good Fortune

In the Amitabha Sutra we read that the Buddha “was accompanied by twelve hundred and fifty great bhikshus, all of them great Arhats, well known to everyone.”

One of the meanings of the word arhat is “one who is worthy of offerings.” An arhat is perfect in merit and wisdom. This perfection in merit and wisdom in the Theravada tradition is not yet great perfection; this perfection in the Mahayana tradition is great perfection. Therefore, he is entitled to receiving offerings from all beings. Why? Because he is truly a field of good fortune for all beings. Those who make offerings to him will have good fortune. This is called “planting a field of good fortune.” How will we receive good fortune? We do not have wisdom or good fortune. When we respectfully make offerings to someone who has wisdom, virtues, and abilities, and who is compassionately teaching all beings to accumulate good fortune and cultivate wisdom, we will receive his teaching and thus be able to cultivate good fortune.

It does not matter how great or how small an offering is. As long as we make an offering sincerely and wholeheartedly, the wisdom and good fortune we get will be perfect and true. If we often think of this arhat or observe him, we will naturally have wisdom and good fortune.

~ Based on Ven. Master Chin Kung's 2003 lecture series on the Amitabha Sutra

To Deal With It

The first of the four noble truths speaks of suffering. Basically, living entails suffering. At no point in our lives can we say that everything is perfect. If indeed that thought arises, the subsequent thought is of how long our happiness will last. Thus, suffering has again arisen and our moment of complete happiness is shattered.

Undaunted, hope springs eternal and it is our human nature to want suffering to end. In one sense, I guess we could say that history is the recounting of how humans have largely tried to end their own suffering and, occasionally, the suffering of others.    

So as humans, we want the suffering to stop.

But instead of trying to root it out, the vast majority of people focus on covering it up. As soon as someone is uncomfortable, they take medication to cover the discomfort or pain. People try to numb themselves to suffering as they sit mesmerized by television programs and movies crafted to pull in the viewer so they become ensnared by the images before them. People turn on their computers to aimlessly surf the Internet or forget themselves in computer games. They do not play with someone in the same room who they can talk with, but with a passive computer monitor. They wander through malls, buying on impulse things that stand a fifty-fifty chance of being tossed in the trash within six months. People fill their lives with activities so they will not have to sit quietly and acknowledge that things are not right. That they are suffering: mentally, physically, and spiritually.

The only way to end the suffering is stop running away from it or hiding it or burying it. The way to end it is to acknowledge it, analyse it, find the underlying cause and deal with it. Wisely.