a buddhist perspective

"To take revenge on trouble-makers is only to create more problems and disturbances. You must realise that negative feelings and hostile actions could only bring harm and suffering to both you and the trouble-maker. In order to take retaliatory action, you have to harbour intense hatred in your heart. This hatred is like a poison. Since the poison is initially in you, surely it will harm you before it can harm anyone else. Before you throw a blazing iron at another, you get burned first. Your action merely goes to show that there is no difference between you and your opponent.

By hating others, you only give them power over you. You do not solve your problem. If you become angry with a person who simply smiles back at you, then you will feel defeated and miserable. Since he did not cooperate with you to fulfill your wish, it is he who is victorious."

"We can live happily without fanning the fires of hatred. Perhaps you may not be strong enough to extend compassionate love to your enemies; but for the sake of your own health and happiness and that of everybody else, you must at least learn to forgive and forget."

~ Ven. Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda

Think you can’t do it? Or that the person doesn’t deserve it?

Recently, I was talking to a woman who owns a small company. A successful businesswoman, she is also an accomplished Buddhist. How so?

She told me that an employee embezzled some funds, a considerable amount of funds. When a third-party discovered what had happened, they contacted the police and the employee was arrested. The police asked the business owner if she wanted to also press charges. Asking if it was necessary, the police said no because the third-party had already done so. The case was clear-cut and the evidence complete.

The businesswomen said she’d prefer not to press charges and then asked after the welfare of the embezzler. As you can imagine, the police were taken aback by the business owner’s unruffled demeanor and concern about someone who had stolen from her.

Why did the business owner react this way?

She told me she must have owned the employee from a past life, so hopefully the debt was now re-paid.

If you think this is a Pollyanna reply, please reconsider.

What good would getting angry have done? Would it have gotten the money back? Would raising her blood pressure have made her feel better? Would testifying against the former trusted employee have made her happy? Made the situation disappear?

Getting angry would have caused the business owner to suffer physically and karmically. She knew this because she understood cause and effect. She understood the situation. The embezzler had been stopped. Seeking revenge through testifying would have prolonged any upset the owner had felt. Letting go of the desire for revenge through understanding and compassion, she was not suffering from this betrayal of her trust and friendship. She was able to quickly move on. She was again busy helping others through her Buddhist activities and looking after the interests of her clients who depended on her.

I have spoken with many people who cannot let go of their anger and wish to get even. I have also spoken with people who understand causality and have been able to let go. I have seen the results of both approaches to adversity. And I admire and respect those who can let go and move on for they are truly happy.

There are four kinds of affinity for a person to be born into a family: to repay kindness, to take revenge, to collect debts, and to repay debts.

All living beings, not just humans, are born into a family in the six paths because of one or more of these four kinds of affinity. Knowing this, we need to remember that we should not owe any debt nor should we incur enmity.

When we take advantage of others, this is incurring a debt, which we have to repay. When we incur an enmity, we will breed the desire for revenge. Reprisal breeds reprisal that is cyclical and never ending.

When others take advantage of us, we become upset. But ancient Chinese said that letting others take advantage of oneself will bring good fortune. Why? Because letting others take advantage of one will eliminate one’s karmic obstacles.

Those wishing to practice Buddhism invariably wonder how to cultivate. Cultivation is to correct one’s wrongdoings. We usually would not let others take advantage of us. But actually, this way of thinking or acting is wrong. When we are taken advantage of, we usually harbor a grudge and want to retaliate. Once we have this thought, a seed will be planted in the Alaya consciousness, our most subtle consciousness that moves from lifetime to lifetime. When the conditions for this seed mature in the future, there will be serious trouble.

When we are truly awakened and, like Buddhas, know the truth, we will not incur any enmities. No matter how someone takes advantage of, deceives, or falsely incriminates us, we should not dwell on these things. This is cultivation. We do not harbor a grudge or wish to retaliate.

In future lifetimes, we will become good friends with that person when we meet again. The enmity is dissolved, and this is good fortune. If we harbor a grudge and take revenge in future lifetimes, both we and the other party will suffer. That is misfortune, not good fortune. Revenge will be repeated lifetime after lifetime, and the suffering will be endless.

~ Based on Ven. Master Chin Kung's 2003 lecture series on the Amitabha Sutra

It takes two to start a quarrel. When one party has awakened, the enmity is dissolved. We should not wait for the other party to awaken; we should be the ones who are awakened. Once we are awakened, the enmity is dissolved.

We would not mind being taken advantage of or being deceived. We single-mindedly dedicate ourselves to learning and practicing Buddhism and mindfully chanting “Amituofo” and endeavor to attain rebirth in the Western Pure Land at the end of this lifetime.

When we are reborn in the Western Pure Land, our wisdom, capabilities, virtues, and abilities will be uncovered. We will then be able to come back to the Nine Dharma Realms to help those who have an affinity with us. What affinity? Repaying kindness, taking revenge, collecting debts, and repaying debts.

We help those who have these four kinds of affinity with us. As long as there is affinity, with wisdom and expedient means, we will be able to help them end delusion and attain enlightenment, and to help them transform from ordinary people to sages. When we help others achieve these goals, we also achieve in our cultivation of virtues, wisdom, and good fortune.

Whether intentional or unintentional, obstructing others or harming others to benefit ourselves is something that we must not do. Our lives are short. When we try to benefit ourselves, how much benefit can we gain and for how long can we enjoy it? And for this, we will have the retribution of falling into the Three Evil Paths. The length of time we suffer there far exceeds the amount of time we enjoyed those fleeting benefits.

Why would we want to do such a foolish thing?

~ Based on Ven. Master Chin Kung's 2003 lecture series on the Amitabha Sutra

The causes of affinity are very complex, so the Buddha grouped them into four categories to facilitate understanding.

The first is to repay kindness, the second is to exact revenge, the third is to collect debts, and the fourth is to repay debts. Any of these four kinds of affinity exist among the members of a family, or else they would not become family. One also has one or more of these four kinds of affinity with those one interacts with during one’s lifetime.

The difference is how strong or weak the affinity is. Those who share a strong affinity become family members. If the affinity is not so strong, they become relatives or friends. If the affinity is weak, they become acquaintances. If the affinity is very weak, they may just pass each other on the street, and nod and smile at each other.

If they have no affinity at all, they would not even nod or smile at each other. One also has an affinity with someone who may glare at one, but this affinity is very weak. One may encounter this person only once in the entire lifetime.

Ancient Chinese often said that if you have an affinity with someone, you will travel thousands of miles to meet each other, but if you have no affinity with that person, you may not look at each other even when you come face to face.

If you have been kind to someone in past lifetimes, in this lifetime, this person would be very kind to you. When you are in trouble, he or she will help you wholeheartedly to repay kindness.

If someone takes a dislike to you and often insults and slanders you, and even harms you, this person is taking revenge on you.

If someone defrauds or robs you of your money or belongings, this person is collecting debts from you.

If someone helps you make money so that you can be well off financially, this person is repaying debts to you.

The examples of causality, of cause and effect relationships in the four basic kinds of affinities are numerous, but we can see the general idea—we need to nurture good relationships and resolve enmities.

~ Based on Ven. Master Chin Kung's 2003 lecture series on the Amitabha Sutra