a buddhist perspective

One morning, in the spring of 2004, I opened my window blinds, sat down at my desk in front of the window, and glanced out to look at the lawn and pond. Several yards in front of the window, I saw a tiny bunny hovering over the body of a full-grown rabbit. The rabbit had apparently died in a small indentation, about a yard across, in the ground. Throughout the day, I watched as the young bunny ran back and forth over and over across the lawn chasing away a large bird that was trying to get at the dead rabbit.

When not chasing the bird, the bunny bit off mouthfuls of the tall grass growing in the indentation, went to the rabbit, and placed the grass on top of the body. The process took considerable time, as the bunny had to keep chasing off the hungry bird at the same time. The bunny was still trying to fend off the bird when I shut my window blinds that evening.

One morning in the spring of 2005, I saw a grown rabbit hop straight to the spot where the other rabbit had been buried. The rabbit rearranged what remained of the still discernible mound of grass and then hopped back the way it had come from around the side of the building. I did not see the rabbit in 2006, nor in 2007 as I was then working in another room.

It is now spring, 2008. Late Monday night, I returned to the US from two months in Australia. Tuesday, I woke up in the afternoon trying to readjust to a very different time zone. Wednesday was my first morning in about eighteen months to work at my desk in my old spot in front of the window.

The thick grass outside my window was deep and due for the weekly cutting. I could still see the spot where the rabbit had died for the grass has yet to cover the “burial mound.” As I watched, I saw a rabbit come around from the side of the building and hop straight to the spot. It remained a few seconds and hopped off a bit to the left of the spot. Then it hopped straight back to the spot, rearranged some of the dead grass, paused a few seconds, and hopped right back the way it had come from around the side of the building.

Affinities span many lifetimes. They do not involve just human beings. And just as humans can be filial children, other beings can as well.

Master Kuang-ch’in said "Treat others neither overly kind nor too harsh."

Yesterday I wrote of according with—not seeking—affinities. The master’s advice shows some ways we can do this. He’s talking about balance, about the middle way.

If we are either too kind or too harsh, we push the extremes in our relationships with others.

On the one hand, if we are too kind, although our kindness may well be sincere, we may stifle others and keep them from growing. If we are too kind while our kindness is not sincere, we are acting falsely and thus misleading others. When the individual learns of our insincerity, it is most likely that he or she will feel negatively toward us.

On the other hand, if we are too harsh we run the serious risk of fostering an enmity. While firmness is necessary at times, we need to temper it with wisdom, not with anger or other negative emotions. Without wisdom, we can force the other person into a corner. He or she might come out fighting and we will have an enmity. Or the individual may simply give up and we will have stifled the other person and hindered their growth.

So acting too kind or too harshly runs the risk of not helping the other person and fostering an enmity. No good karmic consequences. No helping others. No middle way.

My Teacher, Ven. Master Chin Kung, often speaks about how we should sui yuan, not pan yuan. In other words, we should accord with yuan rather than seek yuan. Yuan is usually translated as either conditions or affinities. By according with and not seeking conditions or affinities, we do not force them.

If the opportunity arises for us to do something or be with someone, we can take the opportunity to do so. But if it feels like we have to force something to happen then we are not according but seeking.

The problem with seeking conditions and affinities is this forcing on our part. If we force something and it is not supposed to happen, we will be setting ourselves up for disappointment as we develop expectations that cannot be met. Expectations unfulfilled, we do not gain the happiness we seek.

Finding the line between according and seeking can be tricky at first. With time and experience we will gradually learn to discover that line intuitively. When it feels like our emotions and desires are overcoming our being at ease with the situation, we may well have found our line, and just stepped over it.

When we encounter our foes or unhappy situations, we can remind ourselves that as was said in the Diamond Sutra: “Whatever takes form is illusory” and “All compounded things are like a dream, an illusion, a bubble, and a shadow.” If we realize this, our minds will quickly become calm. With our chanting of “Amituofo,” understanding that coming to this world is an excursion and we will be gone in a few days.

Whether the actions of others are good or bad does not relate directly to us, and we do not have to worry about it. If we have an affinity with someone, we can urge him or her to do good deeds. If we do not have an affinity, then we can try to set a good example. If the individual understands, it is his or her good fortune. If not, it is also okay.

We can try to use Buddhas and bodhisattvas as our examples for when they manifest in this world, their every thought, word, and action is to teach all beings. So they never stop lecturing or setting examples. But as they lecture and set examples for the sake of others, it is without any thought of self-interest. In everything they do, their minds remain pure. They are completely at ease.

If one has the slightest thought of self, trouble will follow. Why? Because one makes mistakes when one has a thought of self-interest. Only when one has no thought of self-interest and has truly let go of everything will one’s mind be liberated and one’s wisdom be uncovered.

~ Based on Ven. Master Chin Kung's 2003 lecture series on the Amitabha Sutra

There are four kinds of affinity for a person to be born into a family: to repay kindness, to take revenge, to collect debts, and to repay debts.

All living beings, not just humans, are born into a family in the six paths because of one or more of these four kinds of affinity. Knowing this, we need to remember that we should not owe any debt nor should we incur enmity.

When we take advantage of others, this is incurring a debt, which we have to repay. When we incur an enmity, we will breed the desire for revenge. Reprisal breeds reprisal that is cyclical and never ending.

When others take advantage of us, we become upset. But ancient Chinese said that letting others take advantage of oneself will bring good fortune. Why? Because letting others take advantage of one will eliminate one’s karmic obstacles.

Those wishing to practice Buddhism invariably wonder how to cultivate. Cultivation is to correct one’s wrongdoings. We usually would not let others take advantage of us. But actually, this way of thinking or acting is wrong. When we are taken advantage of, we usually harbor a grudge and want to retaliate. Once we have this thought, a seed will be planted in the Alaya consciousness, our most subtle consciousness that moves from lifetime to lifetime. When the conditions for this seed mature in the future, there will be serious trouble.

When we are truly awakened and, like Buddhas, know the truth, we will not incur any enmities. No matter how someone takes advantage of, deceives, or falsely incriminates us, we should not dwell on these things. This is cultivation. We do not harbor a grudge or wish to retaliate.

In future lifetimes, we will become good friends with that person when we meet again. The enmity is dissolved, and this is good fortune. If we harbor a grudge and take revenge in future lifetimes, both we and the other party will suffer. That is misfortune, not good fortune. Revenge will be repeated lifetime after lifetime, and the suffering will be endless.

~ Based on Ven. Master Chin Kung's 2003 lecture series on the Amitabha Sutra