Neither too Kind Nor too Harsh
Master Kuang-ch’in said "Treat others neither overly kind nor too harsh."
Yesterday I wrote of according with—not seeking—affinities. The master’s advice shows some ways we can do this. He’s talking about balance, about the middle way.
If we are either too kind or too harsh, we push the extremes in our relationships with others.
On the one hand, if we are too kind, although our kindness may well be sincere, we may stifle others and keep them from growing. If we are too kind while our kindness is not sincere, we are acting falsely and thus misleading others. When the individual learns of our insincerity, it is most likely that he or she will feel negatively toward us.
On the other hand, if we are too harsh we run the serious risk of fostering an enmity. While firmness is necessary at times, we need to temper it with wisdom, not with anger or other negative emotions. Without wisdom, we can force the other person into a corner. He or she might come out fighting and we will have an enmity. Or the individual may simply give up and we will have stifled the other person and hindered their growth.
So acting too kind or too harshly runs the risk of not helping the other person and fostering an enmity. No good karmic consequences. No helping others. No middle way.
Shi Wuling
in Anger, Emotions, According, Kindness, Affinity
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