The stages in the grief and healing process are shock, protest, disorganization, and reorganization.

In disorganization, reality begins to settle in. The person who was such an important part of our life is gone. Leaden numbness settles into our heart. She is gone, and no matter how much it hurts, that fact is not going to change. What was not said or done will remain unsaid, undone. What we wish we had never said or done, will remain with us forever.

We did not do everything perfectly. We wanted to. But we kept getting hooked by our preoccupation with ourselves and by our habitual carelessness.

But it's okay. The person we miss also did not do everything perfectly, and yet we have brushed this aside because we understand what he or she was going through. We weren't the only one doing this.

The reality is that we are at our most relaxed when with loved ones. Our guard down because we are secure in the person's unconditional love, we become thoughtless. We forget our good intentions and get caught up in all the stuff we consider important. Most likely, the other person understood this. And with understanding, just as we did, brushed our imperfections aside.