In his book Opening The Door of Your Heart, Ajahn Bhram retells a wonderful story that was told by his teacher, Ajahn Chah.
"A newly married couple went for a walk together in a wood, one fine summer's evening after dinner. They were having such a wonderful time being together until they heard a sound in the distance: ‘Quack! Quack!’
‘Listen,’ said the wife, ‘That must be a chicken.’
‘No, no. That was a duck,’ said the husband.
‘No, I'm sure that was a chicken,’ she said.
‘Impossible. Chickens go “Cock-a-doodle-doo”, ducks go “Quack! Quack!” That’s a duck, darling,’ he said, with the first signs of irritation.
‘Quack! Quack!' it went again.
‘See! It's a duck,’ he said.
‘No dear. That's a chicken. I'm positive,’ she asserted, digging in her heels.
‘Listen wife! That ... is ... a ... duck. D-U-C-K, duck! Got it?’ he said angrily.
‘But it's a chicken,’ she protested.
‘It 's a blooming duck, you, you ...’
And it went ‘Quack! Quack!’ again before he said some thing he oughtn't.
The wife was almost in tears. ‘But it's a chicken.’
The husband saw the tears welling up in his wife's eyes and, at last, remembered why he had married her. His face softened and he said gently, ‘Sorry, darling. I think you must right. That is a chicken.’
‘Thank you, darling,’ she said and she squeezed his hand.
‘Quack! Quack!’ came the sound through the woods, as they continued their walk together in love."
It is so easy to get caught up in little discussions like this that we usually do not realize how inconsequential the discussion is. What does it really matter whether it is a chicken or a duck? But in the heat of a “discussion” we lose sight of this. We feel the need to set the other person straight. And we fail to notice that we are hurting the other person and destroying their happiness.
What joy is to be found in winning an argument when we have hurt a person we love, who we have promised to look after and to respect? What comfort is to be found in being right when we have contributed to another’s worry over making another mistake? When we have caused their fears to increase?
All this so we can be right. But how often in such situations have we been absolutely convinced without the slightest doubt that we were right only to learn later that we were mistaken! So the unhappiness we caused was pointless.
Sometimes, it is best not to tell others they are wrong.
Sometimes, it simply does not matter whether it is a duck or a chicken.